The Curious George Questionnaire: #6
Tattoo artist and writer Camden Noir puts down the pen to chat with our George
MM: “I live a pretty mundane life,” says writer Camden Noir on his Substack Never A Dull Moment. “I go to work as a tattooer, take my dog to the park, possibly talk to some homeless people on the way, paint, and read books. But somehow, I always have a story to tell. In my eyes, there's never a dull moment.” As prosaic as that sounds, scratch below the surface and there’s some often funny and acidic depth to Camden’s writing. I like it. And I’m so happy he verbally romped with our Curious George!
She: Most of us take for granted that life is actually made up of small moments. Camden Noir is not like most of us. He walks through the world with eyes wide open and a thirst for the curious. Who better to sit down with George than an artist like Camden who mines inspiration from an ordinary extraordinary life spilling over with possibility and promise.
Camden Noir Answers The Curious George Questionnaire!
What does curiosity mean to me…
At the present time, I’ve given up any curiosity in hopes to keep myself numb to the horrors currently happening, everywhere, all at once. The wars and famines, wildfires and corruption are just the tip of the turd before it drops into the ball. “Now, eat up, they’ll say,” and we’ll plug into the news for information. I’d like to think that this is all new, but just like curiosity, it comes in waves. At birth and in the early years, we’re curious to learn and explore. Then, we’re sexually curious. Then the world is dropped onto our shoulders after high school and we are forced to carry the burdens of the world even though we are technically still “brand new” at this adult thing. Eventually, we die and become forgotten, or have our skeleton hanging at a curiosities shop, for sale to the highest bidder. Rinse and repeat with a new credit card machine.
Describe a road not taken. Any regrets?
I initially learned to tattoo from an “Inkmaster,” as the TV show would name him. To me, he was an acquaintance, but to millions of viewers around the world he was “their” guy. For a year, I lived with him while worked for him which was a problem in and of itself. Our work problems went home and vice versa, creating unnecessary tension in our lives that neither of us needed. He was a “successful” shop owner, and I worked shifts at the bar at night to cover my expenses, since my apprenticeship was unpaid. He was always a great artist, even before tattooing, and he knew it. More importantly, he wanted you to know it. After a year of belittling me, and using his own ego to poke mine, I gave him back the shop key and all responsibilities that came with it. He broke me. Even in the military, the NCOs would build you back up after a battering, but in tattooing, egos show no mercy. Afterwards, I almost moved to Boston to pick up bartending again but decided against it. That, I do not regret. I’m ugly as it is, and a Boston accent would’ve made me repulsive. I do wonder what would have happened had I finished that apprenticeship though. I don’t think it would’ve gotten me any further in the industry than I got myself, since most tattooers either don’t know him, don’t like him, or haven’t heard of him. Real tattoo artists have never heard of him. TV tattoo artists idolized him, and I’m starting to realize that the amount of eyes on a person indicates nothing.
Tell us how you fill your curiosity well…
These days, I don’t. I’m currently living my life like a lava lamp, letting the waters take me wherever they may. However, with the current fiction novel that I’m writing, I’ve done extensive research on topics that I otherwise would not have known about. The modern prison system. Rat kings. The old circus, back when they’d eat the clowns instead of the animals because clowns came a dime a dozen. It’s been fulfilling to gain these little nuggets of wisdom, and the curious side of me wants to continue learning, especially about poisonous plants, but I am coasting. And I’m comfortable with that. Maybe, I’ll find out when I reach the other side of the lamp.
Wonder or awe? Why?
Wonder.
In awe, one forgets to think. They’re too encapsulated, too incensed by whatever is so mesmerizing that they neglect the wonder that made such beauty possible. With wonder, there is hope. Possibilities. Answers.
In awe, there is nothing, but a moment frozen in time.
A haiku. (Wait. Was this a haiku?)
How would you spend your last day on Earth?
If I didn’t know it was my last day on Earth, I would probably wake up as I always do, grumpy from another sweaty morning, thinking of all the people that I owed a punch in the gut to. Then, I’d make a fatty breakfast and lounge around the house, complaining about all the things that needed to get done, while not completing any of the tasks at hand. I’d possibly get up and wash the dishes, fold the laundry, or take the garbage out if it needed it. The cats would surely be yelling for food by then, so I’d feed them in a daze, spilling kibble on the counter to clean up later. If it wasn’t raining, I’d take Iggy to the dog park to play and if it was raining, I’d listen to him whine as I loafed around the living room. My wife works most of the day, so I would probably pace the house for ten hours, hoping to talk to her since I’ve been lonely at home. We’d chat for an hour before it was time to get ready, and then, once the sun was set, I’d get ready for bed, and complain about all the things that I could’ve done if I had more time.
If I did know that I was going to die, I’d probably do it all over again.
What is the purpose of life? (Or, “My life philosophy is_______.”)
The purpose of life is to live old enough to realize that there isn’t a purpose. We aren’t here for any particular reason, or born with a certain impetus. We like to think that we’re all capable of curing cancer, or inventing the next app, or hitting it rich on Bitcoin, but that’s not why we were put here. That’s not why we exist. There is no purpose for our existence, and too many people put credence into that. We’re happy accidents, products of unprotected sex and Bret Michaels music. And just like everybody else, I have no idea what the future holds for any of us. And I’m comfortable with that. I thought about looking for the answers, but my curiosity for stuff like that these days is waning. I suppose I’ll just keep writing terrible haikus, and loafing around the house until I figure out life’s miracles.
Thanks again y’all!! 🙌🏼